BLOG | How a preacher changed the ending of my story.

This short film took 6 years to make.

Why so long?

Probably so I could write this very blog. 

You see, six years ago when I wrote the film, inspired also by Metal Couture’s stunningly dark jewellery, I was in the pits of despair, wallowing in self pity swearing to never love again after the… billion-th heart break!

Now, six years later and happily married for all of four weeks, can I safely say that fairytales ARE real? Does marriage solve the problems of loneliness?

Unfortunately, it does not.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband to bits and am so thankful for his presence in my life every day, but he isn’t the sole reason to my happiness, nor is he solely responsible for it. No human can live up to that. Although he does bring me so much happiness. But happiness is something I had to learn before I even met him.

During my ‘fairy tale’ journey over the last six years, I have learnt so much about belonging, contentment, purpose and …. well happiness.


I did struggle with writing the ending of the film from a theological and physiological perspective because I didn’t want to leave you all on a downer. “Why are all your films so dark?” My friends and family would banter.

However, in the end, I wanted to keep the film as I originally wrote it simply because it’s raw and genuine just the way it is, and I didn’t want to try and make it into something it’s not, something you would all see and feel in your bones as fake. I don’t know about you, but I hate when films slap on a happy ending that just doesn’t make any sense.

However, this doesn’t NEED to be the end of my character’s story. It was for me in that moment of time six years ago, just like it is for our heroine. But there is always more to the story! I wanted you all to make up the ‘where to from here?’ for yourselves. To relate and then move on with your own imagination.

So here is a reflection to my own ‘move on’ after my character has ripped out her heart and boiled out her eyes so she can never feel or see love ever again.

In 2016 Erwin McManus (the founder and lead Pastor of Mosaic) released a sermon series titled “Believe in Love” and I swear, THIS is what bought me back to life!

Erwin insists that LOVE is what drives us as humans. Even if we try to run from it, it’s still the driving force behind our very being. So with that in mind, the chord that he struck with me was when he said:

“If you choose not to love it is like swallowing acid and then sealing it inside of your soul. You will become a hollow shell of a human being, empty and lifeless. But if you choose to love you’re going to walk around wounded and bleeding for the rest of your life. Those are you two options. Which one do you want?”


That is how my character felt, that is how I felt, and suddenly a cloud of acceptance fell over me! To know I wasn’t alone in these feelings and that my film was totally relatable.

Love can be the most attractive essence to the human spirt and the most destructive to the human soul.

So I choose to listen to my gut and choose my own authenticity when telling this story. I was groaning, along with the universe that something wasn’t right within my being. 

So, the whole ‘bringing me back to life thing’.. how did that happen?

McManus concludes that “your entire life will be defined by what or who you choose to love” even if you choose not to love. Which is unfortunate as we do live in a broken world with hearts breaking every day.

He asks, “If you want to understand yourself, look at how you love, look at who you love, look how you long to be loved.”

As a Christian, I’ll look to how Erwin explains what that bible says about love.

Love matters to God.

Song of Songs 8:7

Many waters cannot quench love;

    rivers cannot sweep it away.

If one were to give

    all the wealth of one’s house for love,

    it[a] would be utterly scorned.

You can not drown out your need for love and to be loved.


So where does that leave us? If you build up your walls to exclude love, you’re screwed, if you let them down to accept love, you’re also screwed! This is awesome!

But God has given us the greatest example of a love story ever written, which is totally worth delving into, but I don’t have room here – click here for more on that – Matthew 27:45-54

But I will say that God’s example of love, by Jesus dying on a cross, shows us that love is not for the weak but for the strong, the brave, the resilient, and love does change lives, it changes history.

So how does that translate for us now as this dude, Jesus is no longer walking around the place?

As a Christian, I believe, we are made in God’s image and God IS LOVE. So this means, we are also love. (Stay with me here). We are all capable of love. 

God shows us an example of what unconditional love is through Jesus Christ dying on the cross. This could be said to be the bravest act in history.

Erwin translates that therefore, you too, should love boldly and bravely because love heals, love saves. I encourage you all to not give up on love! Erwin encourages that you need to believe in love, even when love decides to not believe in you. Because your love will change lives.

I’m not saying ‘until you find that boyfriend or wife you’ll be lonely. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Love is not just romantic love. Love is community and being with and connecting with humanity as we all try and do our best in this world.

My character in this film was weak, she gave up on love and will suffer every day walking around as a “hollow shell”, as Erwin puts it.

I’ll leave you with Erwin’s words about love. “It is the power that God gives us to raise above the conflict and all the darkness and all the despair and bring life and freedom to everyone.”

So believe and fight for love, I beg you to not give up!

To hear the full series I encourage you to head over Mosaic.

To watch the film click here.

What is next for me?

**** CHASING EDEN ****

I am currently developing a feature film about, A girl with old fashioned values, who is dumped at the alter and decides to take her bridesmaids on her would have been honeymoon, to loose her virginity anyway.

It sounds funny, but its a drama that seriously explores the question, Why should I wait until Im married to have sex?  Its a question that I dont think many Christian churches are tackling well. As I believe in the power of story to teach, this film will have a lot to say and encourage good conversation.  See the website here.